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I Love Al Anon..What I've Learned in Five Weeks!

8/27/2014

1 Comment

 
I am affected by the disease of alcoholism and I've accepted that. The first step is to come out of denial. After years of acting like I have control over alcoholism and I can make it stop, I finally allowed myself to admit that I am powerless over it. So I started to change..not the alcoholic, but me!!

Now that I understand that, I am open to getting help and being with people who also have this experience. I've attended Al Anon meetings twice a week now for five weeks. They are so helpful. I've come to appreciate my fellow sisters and brothers at these meetings. They are young, old, rich, poor, male, female, black, white, brown, yellow, and red. And they all are there for the same reason..to come to sanity and to find serenity. I get it now. I have a lot of work to do...on myself!!

Why? Because I don't have to control the alcoholic. I just have to work on me. I have to set boundaries. I have to detach. I have to live and let live, let go and let God. Be open to accepting my own disease of codependency and work on correcting my own defects in character.

I have been the "perfect child" all my life. Now I am the "wisdom woman". I asked myself, "How can I be so wise, and yet be so "dumb" if I can't see how the disease of alcoholism has affected me?" That is why I resisted getting help. For years. But after realized I've had enough of the crazyness that alcoholism produces, I quit being so "proud" and "self righteous". I surrendered to the fact that I am really powerless. Wowl!!

Al Anon has helped me understand this. I encourage any of you who have alcoholics in your life to quit being in denial and seek out the support of Al Anon. You will find it a great source of help for you.

My new book, called "Saved, Sanctified..And Still Need A Drink"..addresses many of the issues that we face when we have grown up in the church and haven't been able to really talk about the "sinful" behaviors that we think will "send us straight to hell"...like alcoholism.  But if we don't acknowledge the addictions that affect us, our loved ones and our families, and use the resources available to us, such as Al Anon... we suffer in silence and all alone. That's not necessary!! Let's be real. Let's be open. Let's support each other. And let's get the help we need for ourselves!!

Take advantage of the resources out there, and most of all, come out of denial and get help for yourself!! As they say in Al Anon.."Keep Coming Back..It Works If You Work It.. And You're Worth It!!"
1 Comment

Now That You're In Your 60's..What Do You Do With Yourself??

8/8/2014

4 Comments

 
It may sound like a strange question, but I've been feeling like a "fish out of water", and I am not alone. I know other women are struggling with this feeling as well. Here are some of the issues I'm dealing with:
  •  I am out of the work force, but I still want to work. I don't want to just volunteer, but I don't want to start "from scratch" on a new job.
  •  I am reviewing my resume, and I wonder "how far back" should I go to put everything and every job on a piece of paper. Hell, I don't even know if all those people I used to work for are still in business. Let alone know their addresses or phone numbers.
  •  It just doesn't feel like my energy is supposed to be spent worrying about meetings, deadlines, other people's agendas, and kissing up to managers and bosses younger than me but getting paid more money. I know that is what awaits me if I go back to the kind of work I did when I was younger.
  • I can't seem to decide on my style...there doesn't seem to be a place in the department store that captures me...I know I'm not supposed to be in the Junior or Misses department, but I can't deal with the ugly styles in the Woman's department either..those high water pants and floral prints just scream "YOU ARE OLD" to me!

    So what is going on? We are in MAJOR transition. But other than menopause..who talks about the real transition for us women who are entering this new phase of life? It's more than watching wrinkles increase on our faces, our chins doubling up, and our waistlines getting thicker. It is a transition of mindset as well.

    I notice,
    I am thinking differently. I look at situations and problems differently. I am appreciating my wisdom, and I am looking for ways to pass it on. But a job is not the way to do it anymore!! I can't sum it up on a resume. I want to write books, or sit in circles and just teach and explain and give advice to younger women. I don't want to call it "retirement", because it isn't about me just stopping and going to the golf course. It's not about wandering around. It's still important for me to receive compensation for what I know from others who can benefit. But where in the marketplace does a 60 year old Black woman fit? Other than Oprah, who is addressing this issue?

    It's something I've been struggling with, so that is why I put it out there!!
    I don't know what my wisdom is worth, or who will buy what I know...it just seems like it is time to discover ways to package all of it!! And make it look good too!!


    So, if you are identifying with this kind of transition...let me know!! Maybe there are ways we women in our 60's can create a space to share our wisdom, even as we grow in it!!

     

4 Comments

    Author

    Barbara Freeman, also known as Wisdom Woman, is passionate about self discovery work, and supports people who need a calm and peaceful presence during periods of chaos and struggle!

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