GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

The Serenity Prayer is on a ring around my neck. I keep it as a reminder when I face life's challenges, because the most precious gift I can ever receive from God is the gift of SERENITY.  I have always been a devout seeker of personal peace, and my spiritual gift is to bring calmness and peaceful presence during periods of chaos and struggle!

This year, 2016, has really tested my ability to be serene during major life changes. In March, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer. In June, I lost my husband of eight years to an untimely death. My mother has been dealing with myriad health challenges where I am called on daily to support her and give her care. I watch how so many people are facing these same things. Untimely deaths. Disease challenges. Weird and strange things that don't make sense and cause us to fret and feel out of control.

It is possible to be serene when you accept the things you cannot change. What's done is done. I had to accept that I had cancer. I had to accept my husband's death. I had to accept my mother's situation. I had to accept where I was in those moments and choose to be serene. Then I could focus on what to do. What I could control. What I could change. And ask God for COURAGE to make those changes. Oh how much difference acceptance makes when it is done FIRST. 

Whenever any situation comes where you wonder what to do, ACCEPT it first. That is the key to SERENITY and living a peaceful life.

I wrote "Saved, Sanctified and Still Need A Drink!: A Self Discovery Journey" in April, 2014, but it took me a year and a half to get the book into print. My lesson in the process: COURAGE.  It actually took a lot of courage for me to write the book. Even more courage to invest in book design, editing, proofreading, and typesetting so the book would look like a "real book".  

Then to have the book printed and hard copies in my hand..what a scary moment! And when I finally saw the real product..a BOOK, I was so proud of what my courage accomplished. But then I wondered how it would be received by readers.

My mother was my biggest challenge. She rebuffed the book at first. Mainly because of the title. It just didn't sound right to put "saved and sanctified" and "still need a drink" in the same sentence! Although I was taken aback by the rejection, I remained courageous. But afraid that what I was trying to say would not be understood. That people wouldn't be able to get past the title. Especially my own mother. I finally got the courage to ask her to read it. She got the courage to read it, despite her fears of what she would find between the pages. And... she loves it, and to my great relief, so do many others! I am thankful for COURAGE!

So far, I've sent out about 75 advance review copies to a sample of readers in 17 states. About 20% have responded with reviews. The reviews I've received have given me more enCOURAGEment that I did the right thing to put my work out there. Here are some comments:

• I couldn't put it down!
• I loved it!
• Powerful!
• You've got a winner!
• Excellent!
• Very good book!
• Very enlightening!
• This book makes me feel free!
• One of the most easily relatable and profound books I've ever read!
• It made me realize I'm not alone!
• It brought me face to face with ME!
• It's like you are sitting in the room with me and we're having a life changing conversation!

YAY! I am so happy that "Saved, Sanctified and Still Need A Drink!" is resonating with readers and I can't wait to get it on the market so more people can read it! So this Thanksgiving, I am especially thankful for COURAGE!

If you would like to receive an advance reading copy of my book, all you have to do now is let me know you read this blogpost! Post a comment and I will contact you with the process for getting your free copy!

I celebrate the remarkable life of Wisdom Woman Joan Rivers today. She passed away this week and although her death was unexpected, it was not untimely. I honor her wisdom to know within herself that she could "drop dead at any time" as she joked with her audience,  letting them know that if she did, it would be something that the audience could tell their friends:  "You were there when it happened! "

Joan Rivers is a woman who lived her life to the fullest, doing what SHE LOVED up until the day she died. At 81 years old, she didn't "retire" and rest in leisure. She was wealthy, so it wasn't like she had to keep working to make money. No, she did it because it was in her to share her gift to the world. I take such comfort and joy in the message that she has left for all of us, young and old, rich and poor, black and white...DO YOU!!

I always say "Know Yourself Well, Be Yourself Always!" Joan Rivers did not apologize for who she was and what she believed. She presented herself as a human being with all of her imperfections..even when she paid to cover them up with plastic surgery...she still let us know she was an open book and totally honest with all of life.

It seems like 2014 is a pivotal year for many of our wisdom women to be called home, because their work here on Earth is done. But the remarkable legacy they have left for us remains. I am honored to have learned from them all.

Are you doing what you love?  If you dropped dead today, would you be caught doing what you love? I hope so! That is what Joan Rivers did. I am so inspired by that lesson!!!

I am affected by the disease of alcoholism and I've accepted that. The first step is to come out of denial. After years of acting like I have control over alcoholism and I can make it stop, I finally allowed myself to admit that I am powerless over it. So I started to change..not the alcoholic, but me!!

Now that I understand that, I am open to getting help and being with people who also have this experience. I've attended Al Anon meetings twice a week now for five weeks. They are so helpful. I've come to appreciate my fellow sisters and brothers at these meetings. They are young, old, rich, poor, male, female, black, white, brown, yellow, and red. And they all are there for the same reason..to come to sanity and to find serenity. I get it now. I have a lot of work to do...on myself!!

Why? Because I don't have to control the alcoholic. I just have to work on me. I have to set boundaries. I have to detach. I have to live and let live, let go and let God. Be open to accepting my own disease of codependency and work on correcting my own defects in character.

I have been the "perfect child" all my life. Now I am the "wisdom woman". I asked myself, "How can I be so wise, and yet be so "dumb" if I can't see how the disease of alcoholism has affected me?" That is why I resisted getting help. For years. But after realized I've had enough of the crazyness that alcoholism produces, I quit being so "proud" and "self righteous". I surrendered to the fact that I am really powerless. Wowl!!

Al Anon has helped me understand this. I encourage any of you who have alcoholics in your life to quit being in denial and seek out the support of Al Anon. You will find it a great source of help for you.

My new book, called "Saved, Sanctified..And Still Need A Drink"..addresses many of the issues that we face when we have grown up in the church and haven't been able to really talk about the "sinful" behaviors that we think will "send us straight to hell"...like alcoholism.  But if we don't acknowledge the addictions that affect us, our loved ones and our families, and use the resources available to us, such as Al Anon... we suffer in silence and all alone. That's not necessary!! Let's be real. Let's be open. Let's support each other. And let's get the help we need for ourselves!!

Take advantage of the resources out there, and most of all, come out of denial and get help for yourself!! As they say in Al Anon.."Keep Coming Back..It Works If You Work It.. And You're Worth It!!"

It may sound like a strange question, but I've been feeling like a "fish out of water", and I am not alone. I know other women are struggling with this feeling as well. Here are some of the issues I'm dealing with:

•  I am out of the work force, but I still want to work. I don't want to just volunteer, but I don't want to start "from scratch" on a new job.
•  I am reviewing my resume, and I wonder "how far back" should I go to put everything and every job on a piece of paper. Hell, I don't even know if all those people I used to work for are still in business. Let alone know their addresses or phone numbers.
•  It just doesn't feel like my energy is supposed to be spent worrying about meetings, deadlines, other people's agendas, and kissing up to managers and bosses younger than me but getting paid more money. I know that is what awaits me if I go back to the kind of work I did when I was younger.
• I can't seem to decide on my style...there doesn't seem to be a place in the department store that captures me...I know I'm not supposed to be in the Junior or Misses department, but I can't deal with the ugly styles in the Woman's department either..those high water pants and floral prints just scream "YOU ARE OLD" to me!
  
  So what is going on? We are in MAJOR transition. But other than menopause..who talks about the real transition for us women who are entering this new phase of life? It's more than watching wrinkles increase on our faces, our chins doubling up, and our waistlines getting thicker. It is a transition of mindset as well.
  
  I notice, I am thinking differently. I look at situations and problems differently. I am appreciating my wisdom, and I am looking for ways to pass it on. But a job is not the way to do it anymore!! I can't sum it up on a resume. I want to write books, or sit in circles and just teach and explain and give advice to younger women. I don't want to call it "retirement", because it isn't about me just stopping and going to the golf course. It's not about wandering around. It's still important for me to receive compensation for what I know from others who can benefit. But where in the marketplace does a 60 year old Black woman fit? Other than Oprah, who is addressing this issue?
  
  It's something I've been struggling with, so that is why I put it out there!! I don't know what my wisdom is worth, or who will buy what I know...it just seems like it is time to discover ways to package all of it!! And make it look good too!!
  
  So, if you are identifying with this kind of transition...let me know!! Maybe there are ways we women in our 60's can create a space to share our wisdom, even as we grow in it!!
   

    At age 60, I went through a role transition. For 30 years, I was locked into my role as a public health professional because that is what I went to school to become. I had a great career doing public health work. It was how I defined myself. My degree..Masters in Public Health! I paid good money for that title. I went to school six years post graduate level to get that title. It was my credential to get work, a career, a livelihood. And it worked for me in the 80's and 90's, at the height of my career. I gave a lot of my time and energy working in that field. I also spent many years in the nonprofit sector. Writing grants. Planning programs. Consulting with others who wanted to know how to do it. Now, I don't want public health to define me.  I don't want nonprofit consultant to define me either. I want to be something else. What is that? What I've become.  I had to give myself permission to try on new titles. A spiritual author. A self discovery coach. A wisdom woman.
    Do I have a paid degree? Yes. I paid with hard life lessons. Experience. Personal encounters with thousands of people over the course of my journey. Young people. Old people. Travels to other countries. Interactions with so many situations where I had to come out victorious. Did it cost me money? Yes! I spent thousands of dollars investing, creating, buying, losing, gaining, giving, and caring for my needs and the needs of others.
    Am I qualified to teach? To spread my wisdom? To ask others to pay to get the knowledge and the advice that I've acquired? Yes. I don't really need more certificates, degrees, or letters attached to my name. I know what I know. I do what I do. And I love what I have learned about myself, my life, and about my journey. I know my energy is valuable. MY ENERGY.
    Can I use all the years of training, skills, and experience from my academic training and my career path to be effective as an author, an inspirational speaker, a life coach, a mentor, a teacher? I must! It is time to do it, because if I don't, who will know me?
    I believe all of us who are blessed to make it to this age have an obligation to ourselves to change our roles. We are not the same people we were when we were younger. We have acquired wisdom and knowledge which surpasses Masters and Doctorate degrees. We must be willing to demand respect for our wisdom, and value it just as highly as a diploma!!

Today, I reflect on the lives and legacy of two amazing women who transitioned this week.
The interesting thing is, I am not sad. I am reverent. I am profoundly grateful and appreciative for their lives and how they lived them. With dignity, quiet grace, power, and extraordinary love.

Janice Scroggins..a gifted pianist, musician, and Portland, Oregon community treasure. I remember her legacy of music, but even more so, her quiet presence. Janice never talked much. She just let her music do the talking. I never saw anyone like her. She didn't seek fame and fortune. She was a part of her community, and she served it well. She served us all. Just by being who she was, and sharing her gift.

Maya Angelou..an author and teacher, and humanitarian.  A wisdom woman. I wanted to be like her when I became an elder. Just comfortable in my own knowing. Like she was. She used her energy well. Even in her passing, her energy lives on inside of us!! What power..it is so strong!!

Women of wisdom..our community treasures. Especially in an age of reality television where we are bombarded with images of women fighting, bickering, clamoring for 15 minutes of fame at the expense of ratings and an audience...it is so refreshing to stop and reflect..and appreciate these two women who just used their gifts and their lives to bring us all clarity, purpose, and insight.

Today, I love and salute them!! Ase!

You just had a hard day at work, and you feel really frustrated and stressed out. You need to vent about your crazy boss, so you call your best friend and tell her "You won't believe my day! I need a DRINK!"

Whether or not you drink alcohol, you know when someone says, "I need a drink!" it's usually because of something that has made them feel angry, frustrated, confused, or disappointed, and they either talk about it, or do something out of character! We all have moments when we feel like that, right?

However, when you hear some of your friends or colleagues communicate their feelings with statements like this..

"Girl, if I wasn't saved, I would cuss him out today and repent later!"
"I need to be prayed up to deal with this mess.."
"The Bible said, "Thou Shalt Not Kill; it didn't say I couldn't shoot your kneecaps off!"

..then assume they come from the "saved and sanctified" church culture and they are letting you know "they need a drink!" How can you tell?

Notice the code speak. The words "saved", "prayed up", "the Bible" are all mentioned in the same sentence as "cuss you out", "shoot your kneecaps", and "repent later".

Who else does that?

You just read a brief excerpt from my book "Saved, Sanctified..And Still Need A Drink!" which I will be publishing this summer. This is a book about my own self discovery journey, growing up as a preacher's daughter in the Church of God in Christ. This book will definitely resonate with those of you who are familiar with issues of the "saved and sanctified" culture.. and still wrestle with feelings of guilt, hypocrisy, shame, and fear.

I talk about the struggle I experienced with religious upbringing, especially with the strict "holiness or hell" thinking that kept me locked in imagined fear for many years. I also open the door for everyone to stop and examine their own feelings and situations, without judgment. This book is written in a humorous way, so no one should really be offended, even though it touches on some sensitive subject matter.

Anyone can relate to this book, regardless of your race, creed, or religion. It is religious beliefs that oftentimes stop us from opening up to true salvation and personal peace. I seek to begin the discussion, and I want to invite you get this book when it is released!

Please e-mail me at bfree996@gmail.com to be added to the mailing list. That way you can be notified when the book is released. Also, feel free to send me any questions or topics you are struggling with that I can help you process through with wisdom, peace, and a calm presence!!